My Life Would Suck Without You

You got a piece of me

And honestly

My life (my life) would suck (would suck) without you

- Kelly Clarkson

Listening to that track over and over like I was under some trance..i kept pushing the replay button as if listening to the next track would lead to some horrible chain of events that would rock the cosmos and blow us all to oblivion. The baby sitting next to me broke my reverie with a food fight, the track changed and I was unable to replay it. Miraculously, nothing exploded. That plane ride can easily be voted as my number one worst flight ever. I knew what I was leaving behind and what I was moving towards. Both sides scared me to tears. I felt guilty leaving him there alone with strangers and unfriendly faces. But I was also afraid to face the place I call home. Would it even be a home without him? But did I really have a choice? I had to come "home"; even though I knew my life, that home, would never be the same without him.

I'm sorry if I ever caused you pain or dissapointed you. You would sometimes call me your little angel. I wish I actually lived up to that. At the hospital you would keep telling me not to worry whenever you saw tears welling up in my eyes. I keep that advice in mind whenever I feel overwhelmed and scared. Inshallah everything will be fine. I pray I can live up to your expectations and dreams you had for me. I want you to be proud of me always. I pray you're at peace. I pray everyday for your forgiveness. I pray there is light where you are. I pray the Almighty is at peace with you. You worked long and hard for us and I love you for that. You deserve to rest now. You have paid your dues. You were always proud and resilient. I never saw you give in; even to the monster that finally... I wear your watch whenever I go out. It's still set to Doha time. I'll change it to local time someday.

In my mind you're not gone. You're just back in New York. I can't possibly accept that you're gone gone. You're just not here right now. We'll meet again someday Inshallah. We will meet again. We will... Love you!!