Loyal

Even if the sky is falling down?

Clueless

Two years later and I'm still clueless...

On the Clock

Right now I'm literally on the clock. I took some time out cuz I got really bored reading up on and preparing a report on the research process. It got me thinking though, as usual, I just started contemplating different scenarios and possibilities.

This time I was thinking about working full time. Its not about money, its not about getting to the top, its not about being power hungry and its not about being a hot shot. (hey that rhymed sort of)...The little work experience that I have had, I know I enjoyed it thoroughly. I like being associated with something bigger than me, to particiapte in making things happen, to be productive and useful and of course a paycheck only makes it sweeter. i wonder though that after I stop studying (I was gonna say complete my studies but I still have the teeny tiny desire to study further but not any time soon) so after I stop studying I wonder if I would be able to step into the business world and shake things up. I wonder if i would be able to manage my responsibilites completly. The work-life balance is a tricky one to master and I doubt if I am one to do it well. I would love to tho I mean that would be awesome but both sides are so demanding of your time, energy, and patience. How do these women handle it all? i'm sure they have domestic help something I totally despise (why should i have some poor woman run around and clean up my mess? so what if she's paid to do it?! It just seems i dunno irresponsible and snooty) and I'm sure they feel they're missing out on some things- if they give more time to work they miss out at home and if they take time out for the home they get left back at work. It's a sticky situation. but i keep thinking about how rewarding it would be to work-not just the money the internal satisfaction and pride you feel when you know you've finished something or been a part of something huge (or small). I dunno.. i do know i wanna work i just don't know how i'll manage it all...........

fake fake fake

I was trying to fly but I couldn't find wings...

Taylor Swift

Contacts/networks/sources only work when the original 'contact-maker' is involved in the process. No one really recognizes the daughter of said contact-maker and no one really gives a damn when the contact-maker is not in the picture. Sure they'll throw you a bone for old time's sake but then they kinda give you the impression like 'seriously you thought we would take you in?! haha uh.. no!' and sure they're really nice, polite, and 'caring' but when it comes down to it they just aren't gonna help. It's funny how people change when circumstances change. It's funny how you don't know people's motives and intentions beforehand. I wish people could stay steadfast and pure in their intentions. I wish for a lot of silly things don't I? I expect too much from humanity. When will I get it through my thick skull that people aren't nice, they don't care, they have their own motivations and helping out someone else's kid for the sake of helping someone out is not one of them. Well you know what man, I am my father's daughter i can manage without your help. I'm not some poor soul, defenseless, and lost. I have my Almighty's love and my daddy's spirit right by my side so screw you and your fake support! :P

Next day retraction: Some people are nice, like really really nice. See the world ain't so bad

I wish I was.... me!

Despite my many (many) flaws I've come to forgive myself for whatever. For not being so smart with numbers, for not being a social butterfly, for not living up to my own expectations at times, for not getting what I set out to get. Whatever, it's all good! No one can be great at everything and no one can have it all. And yeah I do have an external locus of control. I beleive in destiny- it'll be if it's meant to be. I can't fight what's already been set out for me. It's taken me time to realize it but now I'm comfortable in my own skin. I like me and I don't ever wish I was anyone else. Of course I do wish I can keep improving myself and grow into something better but that 'something better' should be an improved picture of me- not a reflection of anyone else.


It surprises me when people complain about how they wish they were different somehow, had things that others have, had that girl's hair, her eyes, her personality. Seriously? why? Why can't you be happy with what you have? Appreciate your own attributes? You do have it you just don't want to see it. You just like wallowing in self-pity. Be happy with you, content with what you have, grateful for it all. just for a second imagine not even having this much... (sends a chill down your spine right?)


I mean, it's such a drag to hear people go on and on about how they suck at this or aren't good enough for that. Get over it man! Look at what you do have!! Look at what you can do!! If you just realize that, you'll be a much happier person. And maybe I won't have to hear you complain anymore :)

Just Imagining...

Half of my heart's got a real good imagination

Half of my heart's got you...

-John Mayer

I wish I could read people's minds, some people's more than others. I wish I knew what they were thinking; what they really felt- about life, about their future, about me. What are your dreams?, your vision of a perfect life? where do I fit in? Do I even fit in, as in me, not just any person, I mean me...including my many many flaws (and far far less perfections).... Just wondering is all....

Rambling

i have a lot many thoughts floating, actually, whizzing around in my mind right now and im afraid i can't get them translated into coherent words and sentences fast enough. but i can tell you this much, they're all revolving around this one nasty word: