Rediscovering

I was talking to a friend today as she was tweeking her blog. She was talking about how she was trying her best to adopt more Islamic principles into her life. I admire her zeal and pray Allah helps her on this journey.

But it got me wondering why people are so quick to shy away from or outright ridicule someone who is trying to 'move towards the light' if you will. Why, especially in this 'Islamic Republic" of ours, are people so quick to shun any such behavior yet so quick to adopt and actually promote things that are totally against it. Do they truly believe these simple yet such profound principles are outdated and 'backwards' or are they just feeling insecure about their own weaknesses? I mean shouldn't you be encouraging someone who wants to better themselves rather than putting them down? Whatever, it's really not about the people anyway now is it? He's up there watching, He knows what's in your heart, He knows your intentions; if they're pure then you have nothing to worry about.

Soulmate

"And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in peace and tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are signs for those who reflect" (Quran 30:21).

I simply adore this Quranic verse. Doesn't it make you feel all warm and happy inside? Knowing that there's this one person made for you- just for you; and you for them. How amazing is that? Subhanallah

Blank

Have you ever had so many thoughts, emotions, fears, excitement, anxiety, visions, things to do-mundane things, spiritual things, all swirling around in your little head that at one point they eventually turn to nothingness? Blank. white. nothingness. you're frozen. but it's not a bad thing. you're brain just needs a break. silence. sleep. sshhhh!

There always needs to be one that is willin'

To throw a rope down to someone who's slippin'

But sometimes you gotta know when to let it go...

-Nadia Ali

nerves

when i get nervous i eat (in other cases i starve myself, its pretty cool actually i can go hours without anything but a glass of water :D). but in this case im craving nasty junky food. fatty greasy artery-clogging food. i'm stuffing my face as i type these very words. Lord help me, there's a whole mass of nuggets and samosas sitting in the fridge taunting me, begging to be devoured, and my nervous racing mind is not helping; but it'll be ok soon ( i hope!) :P

S*%t Happens

It's happened to you too I'm sure. you plan. you dream. you have it all figured out. But, (there's always a but) it neverrrr works out the way you thought it would. it all seems to go horribly wrong. those images you conjured up are all gone, but you know in the end it usually turns out alright. So the moral of the story (what story??) is: don't plan; don't have expectations; better yet just don't think about it; whatever's meant to be, will be. So screw the worrying and the tossing and turning that comes when you lose sleep over it cuz s*%t happens, get over it! :P

As a river flows

Gently to the sea

Darling so it goes

Some things are meant to be

- UB40 (a totally unrelated song)

Bipolar

I'm someone filled with self-belief

I'm haunted by self-doubt

I've got all the answers

I've got nothing figured out

I like to be by myself

I hate to be alone

I'm up and I am down

But that's part of the thrill

Part of the plan

Part of all of the things I am

-Hilary Duff

What is wrong with me?! One second I’m as happy as ever, chilling in my room with the radio blasting and a few hours later I’m so bummed I’m on the verge of tears! Seriously, I need to get a grip!

Biotches who talk too much

So I met this lady after a long time and she's like 'bari dieting shieting chal rahi hai hmm?' with that annoying smirk and eyebrow thing annoying people do and I'm like god, you're such a dumbass! You try losing your father and watching him go through all that he did and lemme know if you'd still have the same appetite as you did before. So yeah I lost a little weight, gimme a break!

God, what is with people? Either you're too fat or too skinny, too ugly or too pretty, too light or too dark, too slutty or too saintly!! Is there no end to your useless and condescending comments?! Seriously, you need to get a life and mind your own business biotch!

2011

Hey you, hey you

Now we're into something new...

...Not open to suggestions

I'm dreaming of you and me dancing

- JoBros

So this is the year, huh? The year of big changes; moving to another stage in life. Just wishing, hoping, and praying everything goes smoothly and it all works out perfectly for everyone. God, I'll miss my daddy sooo much but I like to think that he's happy and with us throughout. His baby's growing up, I hope I make him proud. =' )

Freak!

So I was watching music videos of old songs I heard while growing up and for some insane reason i remembered one particular one that scared the hell out of me when I was like 10 or 11 (and my brother just loved torturing me about it). I knew it was disturbing back then but I'm like hey I'm older now maybe it was really that bad. So here i am at 1 in the night, alone in the basement, watching this demonic video (Marilyn Manson-the beautiful people) and ummm yeah it still creeps me out, but thankfully not as bad as it did when I was younger. (WTH is this guy's problem anyway?) Whatever, I couldn't finish watching it I really couldn't bear to sit through this guy's absurd idea of 'beautiful people'. Can you say freak show!?!

Burden

The current scenario is blatantly telling me that I'm a burden on everyone. I'm not pulling my weight, dumping my problems on others and stopping those close to me from living their lives. I feel like a useless jerk, taking up other people's time and efforts just so I can benefit. It really sucks. And once one party 'gets rid of me', my responsibility will be thrust upon another poor soul. Lol God help him! If only I were able to live without such powerless-ness and reliance on others, I'd rather be the one other people relied on.

Panic Attack!

heart pounding, knees shaking, hands jittery, body shivering, mind blurring, vision hazy... yup sounds like panic to me!

Brown bagging it- but not for long...

So I woke up extremely late today and I had about five minutes to get ready for school. I rushed, actually stormed, around my room gathering the stuff I needed for the day and my stomache was rumbling with hunger pangs ( which is funny cuz I hardly ever feel hungry anymore) anywho, when I got downstairs I saw my adorable mama had packed a lunch for me- a sandwich, apple and a pack of cookies in a neatly folded brown paper bag. My heart melted at the sight and I felt so blessed to have her with me. She is an awesome strength, a soft shoulder and a warm smile. She's done so much for us for so long and I hardly ever appreciated her for it. And then it hit me- after a few more months, I'll be out of this home, so far from her and all that I've ever known, living on my own, on someone else's turf; with people expecting me to be smart, to handle it all gracefully. Eeek! how will I manage? How can I, retarded Madiha, possibly take care of myself (and another family) without her? *sigh* seems like my brown bagging days are coming to an end.

Click

These upcoming midterms are making me nostalgic for things that are yet to occur. I wish I had that remote control Adam Sandler had in Click. I want to freeze the next few months and watch them go by in slow motion. I want to savor these last few months of zero responsibility, adorable friends, acting silly, having tons to study but never sitting down and focusing, my overall laziness, and daydreaming about the future. I'm going to miss everything so much- the campus, the people (even the ones I didn't like so much or who were just downright annoying), my office and PC, the crazy teachers, the blood-sucking projects and assignments, making powerpoint slides a few hours before presenting, using technology to 'help' each other on not-so-surprise quizzes, the feeling of belonging and of course the countless, senseless and yet so meaningful convos we had. I'll miss it all soooo much, I wish I could hold on to it all, at least in memory, forever- No wonder they say IBA Forever! :)

The thread and tweezer

I'm in a pickle..a dilemma..i'm so confused!!

Shaping my eyebrows is...(was?!)... so critical to my 'beautification' it was the only thing that made me feel pretty (apart from my mascara and eyeliner)... i felt so confident and sure of myself after i got them threaded.. i looked good for a while but I just recently (Actually just a few minutes ago) found out that it's actually HARAM?!?! HOw? WHy? What am I gonna do now?! I'm literally in tears right now... You know I stopped wearing eye make-up to university cuz i get that it's defeating the purpose of hijab but my eyebrows were like really important to me... Am I whining and complaining for no reason?-yes, but this is too scary! you do not want to see me without threaded eyebrows--trust me! Oh the uglinessss!

The Hadith says you're not supposed to change Allah's creation so that includes plucking and cutting facial hair (so i guess that applies to men too and them shaving their beards?) except in the case where you look really ugly and your husband is grossed out by you! (I don't think I fall in that category..I hope :/) i read this girl's dilemma too: http://www.muslimah2muslimah.com/2009/03/to-pluck-or-not-to-pluck-that-is.html

Soo.... wow...Now I guess my eyebrows can breathe easy? No more plucking or threading? :/ Allah give me the strength to stay away from my tweezer...oooooh this will be a tough one!

Expectations...

I wonder what they expect from me...what he expects from me... I hope your expectations are not too high, too lofty, too grand because let's face it- i'm a loser! I don't have much to offer you and I doubt I will turn out the way you have pictured me... I'm not sweet, i'm not good looking, and i'm not very practical about life... so yeah... just putting that out there.. hope I didn't burst any bubbles here :)

The New Me?? :/

I feel different... i'm not angry all the time anymore, i'm not snippy and rude.... i don't have any sarcastic comebacks anymore... i'm actually nice (well, comparatively!) What happened to my edge? My 'screw-you' mentality? My smirks of contempt? It's as if I actually care about people! I think I would actually feel bad if someone were to trip and fall, before I would just point and laugh! I'm listening to sappy songs on my iPod (which is totally awesome!; thanks again =D) songs like heartbreaker and teenage dream! I'm not focusing on my assignments/projects/ papers.. I don't know...This is freaky.. this is weird.. this is sooo not me!! Maybe it's a good thing?...ugggh...who knows!

The Jealous Type

If something's mine-it's ONLY mine! I'm possessive, fiercely loyal, and won't take anyone interfering with my possessions in anyway! So back off, b^$#@ !!! >:)

I'm better than you- isn't it obvious?!

It's great that you're religious, that you value your beleifs and stay true to them always, but I guess I missed the part where that makes you better than me. You're wrapped up in 10 feet of fabric from head to toe and you ask me to take off my hijab and hand it over to you so you can pray?! Ummm... did your nikab cut off circulation to your brain woman?! What kind of request is that anyway? Do you honestly think I'd whip it off and cover you up in it? Like my hijab is less important than yours?

I dunno... people are weird! Somehow, religion has become a sort of status symbol that people pride over, distinguish themselves based on it, and make others seem inferior because of it. Hello! Have you forgotten a very important Islamic teaching- it's called humility- look it up!

Succession... hmphh

And I know you're shining down on me from heaven...

I don't want his money, or his property, or his belongings- I want him back! It's all his hard work and effort I wish he was still here to use it. Can't we just leave it all the way he left it? I know even Islam gives provisions about inheritance but I just don't want it. I just don't...

Goody-two-shoes

I've never done anything bad.. like something I would regret later.. like something stupid or reckless..something I know i shouldn't do... like... sheesh.. i can't even think of anything bad! I've always been the good girl, the nice quiet sweet girl. now people who know me for real know I'm not exactly that but my image, appearance, and behavior never betray my underlying personality. Sometimes I wish it did. Why am I always thinking of the consequences, forseeing the shitload of trouble I'd get in to or just what people would think of me if I did anything crazy. I guess I'm scared of getting hurt, embarrased or hurting people who care about me... I thought your teen years/ early-twenties was when you could let loose, do whatever, and you would be forgiven your mistakes- taken as an error in judgement. Why have I never thought this way- that mistakes I make now would be/ can be forgiven. I always felt that if I do something wrong, it'll haunt me forever. Man, I hate being sensible...this sucks- I wanna have fun!