Happiness

:D

Thank you Allah, I needed it...

Bored

I have things to do- an assignments due tomorrow, stuff from work, stuff at home, i should start studying (midterms start this week!) but here i am facebooking and youtubing. I am the biggest procrastinator you'll ever meet. I know I have all this stuff to do but I'll wait till the last possible second to get it done and in the mean time I'll lounge around totally bored out of my mind looking up random videos and stalking people I hardly know. awesome.

really?

A year and seven months, a whole YEAR and 7 months?! Really? Where did all that time go? Before, every Monday would hurt, then it was every 17^th, now I don’t even realize that a whole month has flown by! You can say I’m healing but I think it’s more of a numbness, a defense; I block out any painful thought but oh whenever any one happens to break through, it hurts like you’ll never know.

And how I miss his presence. When he would come home and the world would feel safe again. When he would laugh at my silliness. When he would give me a hug and a kiss and make me feel like a princess. When he would actually listen to my opinions and make me feel smart. He was a good man, a great father, bless his soul.

Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday

Artificial Sweetner

I told you I'm not a nice person, I've been trying to tell you I'm not the sweet girl you think I am. I thought my blog posts had conveyed that message, but still you chose not to beleive me. Do you beleive it now? I hate fighting, especially with you, because you're just too important to me. but I guess it was inevitable cuz again, I'm not a nice person. Too bad you had to see this side of me but that's just how I am :/

Not Again

This evil disease has stricken yet another loved one. I don't want another family to go through what we did. It's so awful, the memories are just flooding back, of the struggle, of the constant praying, of the hoping it all turns out ok. The poor man is in hospital now, May Allah give him strength, give his family strength. This is just too heartbreaking.. not again, please not again

WTH?!

Am I a wuss or what?! The painter people painted over all the marks on the walls of the house and i feel like I just lost something. Why am I so emo? It's really annoying sometimes!! I get attached to the silliest things and feel totally empty if I lose them and these are just useless things- like marks on the wall, =S (you don't wanna see me when I lose something or someone important) but then again they're just not marks; they're memories, they've been a part of this house for years and now suddenly they've been wiped clear, as if they were never there. It's hard enough to keep images of our cute little family fresh in my mind, now you go and wipe away the physical remains of it. Great.

At least my room is untouched and I won't allow anyone to move any of Uboo's office stuff in the basement, so don't even ask. His files, his drawers, papers and books, pens and stationary, will stay exactly where he left them as long as I'm around. And I honestly don't give a damn if you think I'm psychotic; that's just how I am, deal with it :P

Rediscovering

I was talking to a friend today as she was tweeking her blog. She was talking about how she was trying her best to adopt more Islamic principles into her life. I admire her zeal and pray Allah helps her on this journey.

But it got me wondering why people are so quick to shy away from or outright ridicule someone who is trying to 'move towards the light' if you will. Why, especially in this 'Islamic Republic" of ours, are people so quick to shun any such behavior yet so quick to adopt and actually promote things that are totally against it. Do they truly believe these simple yet such profound principles are outdated and 'backwards' or are they just feeling insecure about their own weaknesses? I mean shouldn't you be encouraging someone who wants to better themselves rather than putting them down? Whatever, it's really not about the people anyway now is it? He's up there watching, He knows what's in your heart, He knows your intentions; if they're pure then you have nothing to worry about.

Soulmate

"And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in peace and tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are signs for those who reflect" (Quran 30:21).

I simply adore this Quranic verse. Doesn't it make you feel all warm and happy inside? Knowing that there's this one person made for you- just for you; and you for them. How amazing is that? Subhanallah

Blank

Have you ever had so many thoughts, emotions, fears, excitement, anxiety, visions, things to do-mundane things, spiritual things, all swirling around in your little head that at one point they eventually turn to nothingness? Blank. white. nothingness. you're frozen. but it's not a bad thing. you're brain just needs a break. silence. sleep. sshhhh!

There always needs to be one that is willin'

To throw a rope down to someone who's slippin'

But sometimes you gotta know when to let it go...

-Nadia Ali

nerves

when i get nervous i eat (in other cases i starve myself, its pretty cool actually i can go hours without anything but a glass of water :D). but in this case im craving nasty junky food. fatty greasy artery-clogging food. i'm stuffing my face as i type these very words. Lord help me, there's a whole mass of nuggets and samosas sitting in the fridge taunting me, begging to be devoured, and my nervous racing mind is not helping; but it'll be ok soon ( i hope!) :P

S*%t Happens

It's happened to you too I'm sure. you plan. you dream. you have it all figured out. But, (there's always a but) it neverrrr works out the way you thought it would. it all seems to go horribly wrong. those images you conjured up are all gone, but you know in the end it usually turns out alright. So the moral of the story (what story??) is: don't plan; don't have expectations; better yet just don't think about it; whatever's meant to be, will be. So screw the worrying and the tossing and turning that comes when you lose sleep over it cuz s*%t happens, get over it! :P

As a river flows

Gently to the sea

Darling so it goes

Some things are meant to be

- UB40 (a totally unrelated song)

Bipolar

I'm someone filled with self-belief

I'm haunted by self-doubt

I've got all the answers

I've got nothing figured out

I like to be by myself

I hate to be alone

I'm up and I am down

But that's part of the thrill

Part of the plan

Part of all of the things I am

-Hilary Duff

What is wrong with me?! One second I’m as happy as ever, chilling in my room with the radio blasting and a few hours later I’m so bummed I’m on the verge of tears! Seriously, I need to get a grip!

Biotches who talk too much

So I met this lady after a long time and she's like 'bari dieting shieting chal rahi hai hmm?' with that annoying smirk and eyebrow thing annoying people do and I'm like god, you're such a dumbass! You try losing your father and watching him go through all that he did and lemme know if you'd still have the same appetite as you did before. So yeah I lost a little weight, gimme a break!

God, what is with people? Either you're too fat or too skinny, too ugly or too pretty, too light or too dark, too slutty or too saintly!! Is there no end to your useless and condescending comments?! Seriously, you need to get a life and mind your own business biotch!

2011

Hey you, hey you

Now we're into something new...

...Not open to suggestions

I'm dreaming of you and me dancing

- JoBros

So this is the year, huh? The year of big changes; moving to another stage in life. Just wishing, hoping, and praying everything goes smoothly and it all works out perfectly for everyone. God, I'll miss my daddy sooo much but I like to think that he's happy and with us throughout. His baby's growing up, I hope I make him proud. =' )

Freak!

So I was watching music videos of old songs I heard while growing up and for some insane reason i remembered one particular one that scared the hell out of me when I was like 10 or 11 (and my brother just loved torturing me about it). I knew it was disturbing back then but I'm like hey I'm older now maybe it was really that bad. So here i am at 1 in the night, alone in the basement, watching this demonic video (Marilyn Manson-the beautiful people) and ummm yeah it still creeps me out, but thankfully not as bad as it did when I was younger. (WTH is this guy's problem anyway?) Whatever, I couldn't finish watching it I really couldn't bear to sit through this guy's absurd idea of 'beautiful people'. Can you say freak show!?!

Burden

The current scenario is blatantly telling me that I'm a burden on everyone. I'm not pulling my weight, dumping my problems on others and stopping those close to me from living their lives. I feel like a useless jerk, taking up other people's time and efforts just so I can benefit. It really sucks. And once one party 'gets rid of me', my responsibility will be thrust upon another poor soul. Lol God help him! If only I were able to live without such powerless-ness and reliance on others, I'd rather be the one other people relied on.

Panic Attack!

heart pounding, knees shaking, hands jittery, body shivering, mind blurring, vision hazy... yup sounds like panic to me!

Brown bagging it- but not for long...

So I woke up extremely late today and I had about five minutes to get ready for school. I rushed, actually stormed, around my room gathering the stuff I needed for the day and my stomache was rumbling with hunger pangs ( which is funny cuz I hardly ever feel hungry anymore) anywho, when I got downstairs I saw my adorable mama had packed a lunch for me- a sandwich, apple and a pack of cookies in a neatly folded brown paper bag. My heart melted at the sight and I felt so blessed to have her with me. She is an awesome strength, a soft shoulder and a warm smile. She's done so much for us for so long and I hardly ever appreciated her for it. And then it hit me- after a few more months, I'll be out of this home, so far from her and all that I've ever known, living on my own, on someone else's turf; with people expecting me to be smart, to handle it all gracefully. Eeek! how will I manage? How can I, retarded Madiha, possibly take care of myself (and another family) without her? *sigh* seems like my brown bagging days are coming to an end.

Click

These upcoming midterms are making me nostalgic for things that are yet to occur. I wish I had that remote control Adam Sandler had in Click. I want to freeze the next few months and watch them go by in slow motion. I want to savor these last few months of zero responsibility, adorable friends, acting silly, having tons to study but never sitting down and focusing, my overall laziness, and daydreaming about the future. I'm going to miss everything so much- the campus, the people (even the ones I didn't like so much or who were just downright annoying), my office and PC, the crazy teachers, the blood-sucking projects and assignments, making powerpoint slides a few hours before presenting, using technology to 'help' each other on not-so-surprise quizzes, the feeling of belonging and of course the countless, senseless and yet so meaningful convos we had. I'll miss it all soooo much, I wish I could hold on to it all, at least in memory, forever- No wonder they say IBA Forever! :)

The thread and tweezer

I'm in a pickle..a dilemma..i'm so confused!!

Shaping my eyebrows is...(was?!)... so critical to my 'beautification' it was the only thing that made me feel pretty (apart from my mascara and eyeliner)... i felt so confident and sure of myself after i got them threaded.. i looked good for a while but I just recently (Actually just a few minutes ago) found out that it's actually HARAM?!?! HOw? WHy? What am I gonna do now?! I'm literally in tears right now... You know I stopped wearing eye make-up to university cuz i get that it's defeating the purpose of hijab but my eyebrows were like really important to me... Am I whining and complaining for no reason?-yes, but this is too scary! you do not want to see me without threaded eyebrows--trust me! Oh the uglinessss!

The Hadith says you're not supposed to change Allah's creation so that includes plucking and cutting facial hair (so i guess that applies to men too and them shaving their beards?) except in the case where you look really ugly and your husband is grossed out by you! (I don't think I fall in that category..I hope :/) i read this girl's dilemma too: http://www.muslimah2muslimah.com/2009/03/to-pluck-or-not-to-pluck-that-is.html

Soo.... wow...Now I guess my eyebrows can breathe easy? No more plucking or threading? :/ Allah give me the strength to stay away from my tweezer...oooooh this will be a tough one!